Una sa lahat, itatagalog ko nalang toh para mas comportable sa mga nagbabasa at sa akin na rin. Bakit ba? haha
Gumising nang tanghali, maggayak at maghahabol ng oras para hindi maiwan ng shuttle. Pagdating sa office log in agad sa biometric at papasok sa mala-bulwagang opisina. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos etoh ang lagi kong nakikita, mga kulay blue na cubicles, blue na upuan, at blue na wall halos lahat blue. May nasabi na ba akong blue? Hindi ko alam kung paborito yata ng mga boss kong koreano ang blue kaya pati mukha at utak nila blue na rin. Oh di ba, parang smurfs lang (joke lang).
Hindi ko naman talaga pinangarap ang maging English teacher, eh kasi naman hindi ako pinagpala sa Math kaya no choice ako. HRM ang natapos kong kurso. Nagsawa lang ako sa kasasagot sa mga reklamo ng mga guests sa hotel. Wala na silang ibang alam kundi gawing miserable ang buhay naming mga staff.
“Any reservations Sir?”
“Yeah, under the name of Mr. Amoyuck.”
“Alright, sir, here is the key to your Penthouse suite.”
“Ah, penthouse, saang floor yun? Ay Shunga etoh.
——
“Anong klaseng serbisyo meron kayo? Hindi ako makapasok sa room ko, wala kayong binigay na susi!!!!
“Ma’am, hawak n’yo na yung susi”
“Anong akala mo sa akin, tanga? Eh card toh.”
“Electronic key card po yan, maam i-swipe n’yo lang po.”
“Enjoy your stay, ma’am, bangungutin ka sana.” (Just kidding.)
Paano ba ako naging guro?
Eh ‘di nag-apply. Isang taon na akong nagtatrabaho bilang
ESL Teacher o mas masarap sabihing British and Standard American Accent Coach for Chinese and Koreans. Sosyal ba? Hindi ah nilagyan ko lang ng arte yan, haha. Special account ang hawak namin, we teach kids ages ranging from 4 to 18 years old. Pero sa account na to Korean lahat ang clients namin.
Masaya magturo, ang mahirap lang kung ang student mo, mas tamad pa sa gumawa ng flag ng Japan. Nasabi ko nga, ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mga teachers ko noon. Nakaganti na rin sila. Ang saya-saya.
The following are our burdens of, shall I say, bloopers.
Hindi lahat ng magiging estudyante mo, may alam na sa Ingles.
Teacher: How are you feeling this beautiful Friday?
Student: How are you feeling this beautiful Friday?
Teacher: I mean, are you fine?
Student: I mean, are you fine?
Teacher: Oh honey, please do not repeat the sentence. It is a question for you.
Student: ah… It is a question for you.
Oh di ba paulet-ulet lang, ang sakit sa brain kapag ganito yung client mo.
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Teacher: Can you please make a sentence using the word book?
Student: I love reading book.
Teacher: Very good! Make another sentence.
Student: Another book.
Gusto ko na magtumbling, hahah
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Teacher: The title of our lesson for tonight is, “Molly’s Victory”. Do you know what the word
‘victory’ mean?
Student: Yes.
Teacher: Great! What does it mean?
Student: Twilight vampire.
Oh huh? Sorry, Kilala niya si Victoria.
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Teacher: What is your favorite animal?
Student: My dad. (ang sweet naman)
bulabog, sa zoo siguro nakatira to
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Expect the unexpected. Lesson n’yo is about Sports game, tapos magtatanong siya nang ganito:
Student: Teacher, why barbecue has stick? Sobrang relevant ng tanong eh noh
Teacher: at dahil natural akong mapamaraan “Oh that is a brilliant question, I would love to answer that, but I’m afraid our time is running out, and that will be your assignment. “
Ang akala ko, ligtas na ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng gamot ang nalunok nito at ang lakas ng ganang magtanong.
Student: Teacher, what is the world’s second anti-dandruff shampoo?
Teacher: I really don’t know.
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May iba naman talagang ayaw magsalita. Naubos lahat ng shakra powers mo sa kakarepeat after me, pero sasagot lang sila ng ‘
YES”. Ang sarap ilublob sa tubig, di ba.
Teacher: Did you go to your academy class today?
Student: Yes. Maayos ang sagot sa simula
Teacher: What time did you finish all your classes?
Student: Yes. Sabi ko sa yo eh
Teacher: Are you an idiot?
Student: Yes. Haha jowk lng toh naman
Kung ayaw mag.salita, pakantahin mo.
Teacher: Today, I am going to teach you a new song. The title is Ba baa black sheep.
Student: Ba baa black sheep?
Teacher: No, super bass!
try natin
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Weakness nila ang R and L consonant sounds.
Student: Teacher, I have good news.
Teacher: Wonderful, may I know what the news is?
Student: I am now excellent in my R and L sounds.
Teacher: Really, bring it on.
Student: Ludolf the led nose leindeer have vely shiny nose.
palakpakan may kasamang sigawan at ipasok sa banga.
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Meron naman na sa sobrang talino ay mahilig mamilosopo. Akala niya siguro hindi ako nag-aral ng logic and Philosophy major in stupidity.
Teacher: (lesson about email) Do you have an email?
Student: of course! What you think of me.? Aba sumasagot
Teacher: What is letter “
E” stands for in the word email?
Student: enternational.
Hindi ko alam kung iinit ulo ko sa kanya o hahagalpak ako sa tawa.
Etoh pa.
Student: Teacher, do you eat apple?
Teacher: sure
Student: You know what, in America, only donkeys eat apple.
Teacher: Lee, do you eat banana?
Student: Yes, teacher.
Teacher: You know what, in the Philippines, only monkeys eat banana.
Basag! Oh sige, mgtanong ka pa haha.
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Ng.aadd sila ng residual
‘e’ sound at the end of the word.
Teacher: What is your favorite fruit?
Student: I like orangee
Teacher: How did you spend your Sunday?
Student: I went to churchee.
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Sa ganitong uri ng trabaho dapat magaling ka sa puzzle. Dahil kung hindi, magkaka-
epistaxis ka.
Teacher: How’s your day going so far?
Student: My mother fire my grandmother.
Teacher: Oh my! Why? What happened? (I thought there was a shooting incident)
Student: My grandma is dead that’s why my mother fire her.
Teacher: Ah got it, you mean cremation?
Student: oh yes my grandma cremated.
Diyos ko po.
Eto pa.
Teacher: What did you do last weekend?
Student: I drive my car to the pool?
Teacher: Huh? Is that how you wash your car?
Student: ah no, we had swimming not the car.
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Dapat bolero ka. Icommend mo sila kahit hindi naman karapat- dapat. Para saan? Para magkalas loob silang magparticipate.
It has been 5 minutes and your client still doesn’t want to talk.
Teacher: Can you say hello?
Student: HELLO!!! Pasigaw pa yan, very touching.
Teacher: Wow, you have beautiful voice! (Exaggerated) I love it! Why don’t you talk much so I could hear your amazing voice more. (kahit sa loob ko, gusto ko na siyang saksakin sa mata haha biro lang)
Student: Really, teacher? Thank you.
Naniwala naman siya ang shunga, kaya ayon dumaldal bigla.
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Blow, blow, blow, blow your phone, gently down the stream. Angrily, angrily, angrily, angrily, my life is a stupid dream. Eto yung students na kapag nagsasalita ka, hinihipan nila yung microphone. Sobrang sakit sa tenga at baka lumabas ang ear drums k,o nilalayo ko na lang yung headset.
Teacher: How’s the weather like in your country?
Student: affuuuuuuh!!! Affuuuuhhh!
Teacher: Ang sarap mag-drop call. Please, sweety, do not blow the mic, it’s very annoying.
Student: affuuuuuuh!!! Affuuuuhhh!
Teacher: Well it seems, you are not interested to study our lesson today. We will just play a game instead. (that captures her attention)
Student: What game????
Teacher: Blowing game! I want you to blow the microphone as long as you could.
Student: affuuhhh!
Teacher: one more time!
Student: affuuhhhh……affuuuuuuuuuuhhh!!
Teacher: Harder! Release more air! Come on!
Student: affuuhhh!… affuuhhh!!!!!!!!! affuuhhh!………………………..1 minute natahimik siya.
Teacher: Are you still on the line?
Student: Wheew! I am tired.
Oh ayan, sige, magblow ka pa,’ langhiya toh.
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Para sa mga students under basic level. Speak slowly. Yung tipong mas mabagal pa sa wifi connection ng kapit bahay n’yo.
Teacher: How……..3sec……are….5sec….you……? haha pati question mark kasama.
Student: huh?
Teacher: Are……..5sec….you….6sec…..doing……..…..10sec….good?
Student: I don’t know!
Teacher: Let us just start our lesson. Tangna neto.
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Kung akala mo lahat sila masunurin nagkakamali ka. Mareklamo din sila.
Nagamit mo na yata lahat ng commas o pauses sa speech mo, hindi ka pa rin nila maintindihan.
Student: Teacher, why do you talk so fast?
Teacher: and why do you listen so slow? Adik toh
Minsan hindi lahat ng sinabi nila ay ang gusto nilang iparating sa ‘yo.
Teacher: What did you have in your dinner?
Student: I milk myself.
Teacher: (wag kang mag-isip ng iba, icorrect mo na lang siya) It is better to say it this way, I drank milk.
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Ilang beses nang uminit ang ulo ko sa kanila. Kahit gaano kahabang pasensiya ang ibinigay mo sa kanila, hindi mo rin naiiwasan yung takasan ka ng katinuan. Sisigawan ka naman ng studyante mo tapos babagsakan ka ng telepono. Unti-unti nang natatanggalan ang buttons ng keyboard ko; di ko kasi maiwasang ihampas eh, lol. Para maibsan man lang ang init ng ulo ko sini-shake ko na lang monitor ko sabay sabing I love my job…I love my job nang paulet-ulet, parang sira lang.
Minsan naman pumuputok na ang mga ugat ko sa pagpigil ng aking tawa, ayaw ko kasing tatawanan yung pagkakamali nila. Bagkus, mas pinapalakas ko pa ang loob nila na mas maging madaldal pa. Wag silang matakot na magkamali sa grammar nila. Dahil kung takot sila sa pagkakamali, hinding-hindi sila magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob para gumawa ng tama. Sige lang, make many sentences as you can. I’m always listening. If you commit mistakes, I will help you to make it right, make it better.
There were some instances that you tend to experience vocabulary crisis. Paano mo ba naman kasi i-explain ang salitang “frown” sa isang 4 years old over the phone na walang alam sabihin kundi YES or No lang. Nakaka-disorient. pare.
Gayunman hindi ko pa naman naisipang isuko toh. (Aru, may plano? Hehe) Dito kasi nasusubok yung pagging effective teacher mo. Marami pang dahilan kung bakit ang sarap magturo. Yung sa kabila ng kabulastugang ginawa ng student mo, sasabihin niya parin sa ‘yo “Teacher, I passed my English test, thank you for teaching me” ang sarap pakinggan kaya sabi ko na lang “Ulol.” haha
Before I was transferred to this account, I used to handle adult clients ages ranging from 18 to 55 years old. I had a student. She is a watch designer in Timex. She asked me once “Did you study in LA or in Cambridge?”
“Nope,” I said. “How come you sound like a real American? How come you speak English very well?”
I just said, ”Because I am a Filipino. I am not a product of any expensive University; I haven’t been in states or in London.”
Perhaps one of the huge reasons why I get inspired in teaching is to see the perseverance of my students. Yun tipong kahit nagkabali-bali na yung dila nila para mapronounce lang nang maayos ang salitang
“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” ay sige tuloy pa rin tapos inom muna ng tubig.
Sa profession na to, dito ko mas natutunan ang kahalagahan ng education para sa mga bata. Dito ko mas na-exercise ang aking metric tons of patience. Dito ko mas naitindihan kung paano ba ang pagtuturo ng isang guro mula sa pananaw ng isang bata. If the child is not learning the way you are teaching, then you must teach in the way the child learns. For me, teaching is not just a two-way process. It is not just about imparting knowledge. It is all about UNDERSTANDING, you have to put yourself under your student while standing beside him.
Kaya sa lahat ng mga ESL Teachers, I salute you guys! Keep rockin’.
author: steffano perales
http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2012/06/29/the-english-teacher-stress-inspirations-and-bloopers/
